Dividing Assets in a Divorce

Ending your marriage is one of the most difficult decisions you can make. It’s a painful process that often takes years from which to heal. Of course, the legal process itself and the division of assets can be as difficult as the emotional pain. Many couples turn what should be a civil process into a bitter fight, and it can have lingering effects on them and their loved ones. Here are a couple of tips for having a clean division of assets.

First, be willing to give a little. There are things in the marriage that you know you want to take with you. You can encounter problems when you see taking possession of assets as a way to get back at your spouse. This will only cause you grief in the long run. If you don’t want it or don’t honestly feel entitled to it, then let it go. Doing this can create good will and ease the tension that’s usually inherent in this process.

Something else to consider is selling property. If you own a home, you can have an HOA management company come in and get the place ready while you sell the property and split the money. The bottom line is that at some point all your assets come down to a dollar amount and you have to be ready to split that dollar amount with your spouse.

Keeping a level head through the proceedings will help you achieve your goals. Remember this is not about a vendetta, but rather it’s about finding fairness in an unfair situation.

Court vs. Mediation

When you are faced with a legal issue that may need to be taken to court, it may be advisable to attempt mediation first. Overall mediation can achieve a more favorable outcome with less money and time that issues that need to be resolved using the court system.

In the court system your case is usually public knowledge. However through mediation cases are kept private and confidential. Courts take a lot of time and are usually lengthened by conflicting schedules between parties, attorneys, judges, etc. In mediation you set the schedule. Of course there are several people’s schedules you still need to deal with, but overall you are much less likely to experience significant delays in scheduling as you would in the courts.

Judges have very little time to hear or review your individual case. Sometimes they have less than five minutes to hear what you have to say. In fact, you may only get a minute or two to testify in your own case. Through mediation services you are able to spend the time necessary to be heard. You are able to fully describe your situation and work on a solution. Many times you have to make split second decisions in crowded hallways on your case when dealing with the court system. In mediation, however, you are able to take the necessary time to think over your decision.

Court costs can become very expensive. Every delay costs money. Time that your attorney spends preparing your case and every hour your attorney spends waiting on your case costs you money even if there is no progress made. Through mediation you are able to control the cost for the most part. The cost of mediation tends to be about one-third of the cost of a typical court proceeding.

What Do Assisted Living Facilities Offer?

Most of us will get to the point where either we, or our aging parents, will require some sort of assistance when we get too old take care of ourselves properly. It is important that we try to maintain our dignity and self worth by living as independently as possible for as long as possible.

This is where assisted living facilities can be life saving. Most health care providers are able to connect you to the right types of assistance you may need. Assisted living takes on many forms and it depends on the level or type of need of the individual. In general, there are three main types of assisted living. Housing needs, nutritional needs and personal support needs.

Housing needs make subsidized housing or apartments available to those that cannot afford normal housing on their incomes or pensions. Hospitality needs make hot meals available to those that cannot cook for themselves and personal support needs assist those that need routine care for daily tasks like bathing, dressing, changing linen to name a few.

There are residential facilities which may have a separate wing called assisted living and these generally provide these services all under one roof. Once a senior becomes too frail to take of themselves and these services are no longer sufficient in assisting them to live independent lives, they can be moved to a full care facility, often called Frail Care. Here they will be nursed in a hospital like setting until they are well enough to return to assisted living or they pass on due to old age or illness.

It is comforting to know that there are options and that we do have choices. If you need to know more about the choices in your area, speak to your doctor or nurse practitioner and they will know who to contact for you.

Your Custody Arrangement Options – Part 2

ORANGE, CA - OCTOBER 21:  Janine Lindemulder i...
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Child custody is a complex issue and will essentially establish the relationship you have with your children. In Part 1 of this 2 part article on Custody Arrangements, joint custody and sole custody arrangements were discussed. Now, it is time to consider the split custody and fifty-fifty custody arrangement.

But, before you decide on a custody arrangement, keep in mind there are several things to consider  how often do you want to see your children, is your spouse a proper care giver, what living arrangements can you provide for your children, will you be able to keep your children at the same school?

No matter what your preference is; the arrangement will be court approved and the decision will keep the best interest of the children a priority.

Split Custody or Divided Custody

When a family has two or more children, both parents may agree to a split custody arrangement. Split custody involves each parent taking primarily responsibility for one of the children. Split custody arrangements are best in an amicable divorce, when both parents live in close proximity to each other.

There are criticisms involving split custody, with psychologists and child advocates arguing against the separation of siblings especially when they are already dealing with their parents break up. However, there are quite a few families who thrive under this type of arrangement and find it was in the best interest of the children to give primary responsibility for each child to a specific parent.

Fifty  Fifty Custody Arrangements

Similar to joint custody, fifty-fifty custody arrangements grant each parent about 50% of the child’s time. The time with children is not considered a form of visitation, as each child literally lives with one parent and then the other. The benefits include continuous parent involvement in the child’s life, as well as the sharing of care giving responsibilities. However, many children find the consistent moving from home to home a type of psychological and emotional upheaval.

Reasons to Hire a Private Mediator

Bringing a third party into your divorce proceedings isn’t an ideal situation, but sometimes it’s the most responsible decision. Mediation isn’t designed to solve your problems. Its focus is on helping you and your estranged spouse come to an agreement on the outcome of your divorce proceedings. However, mediation isn’t suitable for all couples. Unless the Judge had mandated you to mediation, you can decide if a private mediator can help you muddle through the conflict. To help you figure out if mediation is a good fit for you, consider the following reasons.

You Want to Avoid Adversarial Litigation

No one ever thinks the divorce process will be fun and games. And wouldn’t it be in everyone’s best interest to settle your divorce with as little animosity and hostility as possible? Adversarial litigation is about the battle. If you want to avoid the battle, then mediation may be a better option.

You are Concerned that Constant Battling is Affecting Your Children

Perhaps you’ve noticed your children are becoming increasingly withdrawn and solitary. Or perhaps the opposite is happening – hostility and resentfulness. In either case, the arguing, screaming, aggression you and your estranged spouse are engaged in could be the reason behind their behavior. If this is the case, mediation may help you reach divorce solutions with less battling and more cooperation.

You Can’t Afford to Hire an Attorney to Handle Everything

Hiring a lawyer to handle your divorce from beginning to end is financially impossible for some people. Hire a mediator to assist with the decision making process, and hire a lawyer to look over the final recommendations.

Mediation is an excellent alternative to adversarial litigation. However, mediation works best when you and your estranged spouse agree that you need help, and you are both willing to communicate. Agreeing on these two points will make your divorce mediation a successful process.

Help Your Child Cope with Divorce

Attention Seeking Beth
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At this time, you have just completed one of the toughest conversations you will have with your child – you have told him/her of your definite decision to leave your marriage and seek a divorce. If you did it the right way, you and your spouse sat down with your child and explained to them why this is happening and what to expect in the immediate future. You heaped him/her with love, listened patiently to his/her concerns, and made positive assurances that you will always love and support them.

Now, you might be thinking your child understands what happened, and is ready to move on. Unfortunately, this is not the situation for many children. Instead, you may find your child misbehaving at home or in school. He/she may refuse to cooperate or openly defy your instructions. A child upset about divorce may believe his/her negative behavior will bring parents back together. If you are focused on getting your child out of trouble, then you may forget about divorcing.

In situations such as this, your role is to be a supportive, reassuring presence in your child’s life. Explain to your children that you are leaving the marriage, but you are not leaving them. Continue to be an active presence in their life, even if it seems they do not want you to be there. Respond to negative behavior firmly, but don’t allow negative behavior become an act of attention seeking. Therefore, it’s a good move to reward positive actions with lots of praise, while you give brief, disciplinary attention to negative behavior

To help your child move through these issues, it’s important to understand why the behavior is happening and that your children are merely reacting to a bad situation. Remember, at this point you]ve had time to work through your feeling, express your anger, and cry over your disappointment – now, it is their turn.