Dividing Assets in a Divorce

Ending your marriage is one of the most difficult decisions you can make. It’s a painful process that often takes years from which to heal. Of course, the legal process itself and the division of assets can be as difficult as the emotional pain. Many couples turn what should be a civil process into a bitter fight, and it can have lingering effects on them and their loved ones. Here are a couple of tips for having a clean division of assets.

First, be willing to give a little. There are things in the marriage that you know you want to take with you. You can encounter problems when you see taking possession of assets as a way to get back at your spouse. This will only cause you grief in the long run. If you don’t want it or don’t honestly feel entitled to it, then let it go. Doing this can create good will and ease the tension that’s usually inherent in this process.

Something else to consider is selling property. If you own a home, you can have an HOA management company come in and get the place ready while you sell the property and split the money. The bottom line is that at some point all your assets come down to a dollar amount and you have to be ready to split that dollar amount with your spouse.

Keeping a level head through the proceedings will help you achieve your goals. Remember this is not about a vendetta, but rather it’s about finding fairness in an unfair situation.

Children and Divorce

Divorce can be a messy situation and cause a lot of stress on everyone involved. Many times husband and wives get so caught up in the divorce and the reasons behind it that they forget about the others involved in the situation . . . the children. Children deal with divorce in many ways. The age of the child and the animosity or cooperation between the divorcing parents can have a huge impact on how a child manages what is going on in the family.

In a divorce situation no matter how the parents deal with each other in front of the children, the children are going to go through a grieving process. The feelings and emotions of a family splitting up can be similar to a death in the family. In fact, divorce is basically the death of an intact family. Nothing will ever be the same again. No matter the age of the child, on some level they understand this and most have a difficult time accepting this fact or understanding the reasons why.

It is advisable in a divorce situation, especially one where there is extreme conflict between the parents that parents seek out therapy for the children to help them adjust to what is going on in the family. If it is not feasible to seek out therapy through a licensed marriage and family therapist, possibly a religious leader could talk with the children to help them work through their emotions and to help them better understand what is happening in their life.

It is also important for parents to realize the difficulties their children may be facing in this situation. Keep the child out of the middle of the conflict and ensure that they are receiving the positive attention they need. Children need to continue to have contact with both parents whenever possible and need the assurance that even though the parents can no longer live together that both parents still love the child and want to spend time with him/her.

Divorce on the Rise in America

Divorce is definitely on the rise! In America the divorce rate for a first time marriage is as high as 50 percent ending in divorce. Over 60 percent of second marriages and over 70 percent of third marriages end in divorce. Why are these numbers so staggering?

The stigma of divorce has completely changed over the years. Fifty years ago it was unheard of to get a divorce and if you did there were a lot of social repercussions because of it. Now divorce has become so common it is not a socially unacceptable thing anymore. In fact, it seems as though it has come to be almost expected. Too many couples go into marriage with the idea that if it doesn’t work out, no problem, you can always just get divorced. Not enough couples enter marriage considering it to be a life-time commitment anymore.

In the past there were very strict laws governing divorce. Now the laws have become more lax and most states have no-fault divorces. The paperwork has become easier and the entire legal process is much less complicated. In fact, there are even do-it-yourself divorce packets available in situations where there is nothing contested. In America divorce has become as simple as signing a few papers and you are done with it.

Rising divorce rates can also be attributed to the fact that most families have dual incomes now. With both spouses working full-time jobs there is very little time for much else. The responsibilities around the home become a source of contention. Wives often feel the overwhelming burden of work, family, and home. This can eventually lead to resentment and contention.

There are many other factors that have driven up the divorce rates in America over the past several decades. The most obvious is that our culture, laws, economy, and social expectations have changed drastically.

Helping Your Child Deal With Divorce

Children of all ages have difficulty understanding why their parents are getting divorced. How can you help your child understand and cope with your divorce? Your child’s reaction to the divorce will be a direct result of how you tell them about the divorce and how you and your soon-to-be ex choose to deal with each other in front of the children and/or how you talk about each other to the children or when the children are around. There are many things that you can do to help your children cope with the up-coming divorce and adjust to their new life.

First, when initially telling the children about your decision it is best coming from both parents if possible. You need to set aside a time when the entire family can be present. This will put you in a situation where you can avoid blaming each other and will give the children the opportunity to ask questions.

Plan ahead what you are going to tell the children. If possible discuss this with the other parent and come to an agreement about what will be discussed and what will not be discussed in your family meeting.

It may be difficult, but you must stay calm. If this means that you need to keep the meeting short or that you cannot meet with the other parent present then that is how you need to plan the meeting. If you lose control of your emotions your children are going to have difficulty handling the dynamics of the divorce. Children react to their parents emotions. You need to find a way to stay strong for your children to help them through this difficult time.

Listen to your children. You are dealing with a lot of emotions right now yourself, but your children are going to be dealing with a lot now too. You are losing your spouse. Your child will feel as though he is losing his parents. Acknowledging your child’s concerns and truly listening to what they have to say is important in the healing process for all of you.

Have you got children? What to expect when filing divorce?

Children in Jerusalem.
Image via Wikipedia

Marriages are made in heaven. But sometimes, it is not possible for couples to continue with their married life because of incompatibility, cheating of partners or wrong attitudes. Living with each other becomes so difficult at times that people have to decide about taking divorce to get out of the relationship. Divorce is the final contract of separation between two partners and is the very unfortunate reality of life.

If the partners have decided to get divorced and they are having children, it is not only them two who get directly affected by the decision but their children as well. The procedure of getting divorce while having kids often becomes bit lengthy as there are certain things that need to be settled legally.  If you are having kids and have decided to take divorce from your partner then along with other things you must be expecting to settle things associated with your kids i.e. child support.

The child support laws are defined to guard the rights of children whose parents get separated so that the children do not get affected by the circumstances of divorce. There are many different factors and guidelines defined by the law authorities to protect the rights of children and to make sure that their expenses and everyday necessities are provided by their parents. If you are filing divorce then you must know that as divorce laws are different in different U.S states, so are the child support laws. And to get the better understanding of the child support laws of your state you must be consulting your lawyer so that the attorney could explain all the things associated with divorce and the child support.  Like, if you are living in Florida and are getting divorced from your partner, then your children care and support will be decided on the basis of Florida Child Support laws. Hence, you must consult your legal advisor to explain all the Florida Child Support laws to you.

Having a better understanding of divorce and child support laws specific to your state enables you to understand how different laws are going to affect you and your children rights.

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Recover from Divorce – Part 1

Perhaps you have been waiting anxiously for your divorce to finalize. Or maybe you found yourself surprised with divorce papers. Whatever your situation, you can expect to experience a variety of emotions from elation to complete, utter exasperation. To help you cope with this life changing event, consider the first 3 stages of divorce recovery, and know that whatever you’re feeling  it’s normal.

You Can’t Believe This is Happening

In stage 1, you are in complete shock. If this was a decision thrust upon you then you are confused and wondering what in the world went wrong. You may be second guessing yourself, and feeling that you are responsible. If you initiated the divorce, then you may be trying to figure out if you made the right decision.

You Can’t Believe It Happened and Now You are Numb

The effects of stage 2 involve stage 1 feelings, coupled with a sense of detachment. You are trying to distance yourself from bad memories, hurt feelings, and fear of the future. Whatever it is, you don’t want to deal with it, so you pack it away until you can better understand your situation.

It’s Out of Control

At this point you are dealing with so many options you feel like a human pin ball. Emotionally you are reliving every good and bad moment of your marriage. Financially you are adjusting to a single income and wondering if you can handle the responsibility. Personally you are dealing with well meaning friends and family, who always want to know if you are okay. And you are so focused on your kid’s happiness that you’ve forgotten to take care of yourself.

The first three stage of divorce are crazy. Maybe you see yourself in all the scenarios. Perhaps one or two really call out to you. Whatever your situation, just know it will get better. Stage 4 through 6 are when you start find your balance and take control of your life.

Recover from Divorce – Part 2

Divorce is not only a legal process; it’s an emotional one. You have worked through the first emotional stages, and now it’s time to discover what comes next.

You Can Fix This

You have considered all the problems and convinced yourself that you can make it better. No matter the problem, no matter who is responsible you feel that a little hard work can put it all right. Perhaps you are willing to make unreasonable compromises, or maybe you are willing to shoulder all the blame of your failed marriage. These reactions may seem noble, but taking the martyr role in your marriage can only lead to continued pain and heartache. Recognize that you want more than anything to make your family whole again, but also recognize that sometimes divorce is the best solution to a bad situation.

Just Say Goodbye

At this stage you have come to terms with the divorce and are ready to let go. You have held on to the good memories, packed away the bad, and decided it’s time to build a new life. You are content with the decision, and your calm nature will positively influence your children. Now, your thoughts are focused on finding happiness now, instead of wondering what went wrong in the past. You have made it over the big divorce hurdles. Get ready to coast into the next and better stage of your life.

Ready. Set. Go Forward with Your Life

This is the best part. This is the part where you get to pave your own way, chose your destiny, and make it happen. You have learned from past mistakes, taken note of good decisions, and implemented a new life plan. When you hit this point you are ready to pursue education, look at different career paths, and find a new hobby. The possibility of love again shines bright in the future, and you know life is good.